


roll me like a blunt (i wanna go home)

by orphan_account



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Ben Hargreeves Deserves Better, Child Abuse, Dave/Klaus comes later on, F/M, Hurt Klaus Hargreeves, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, M/M, Protective Diego Hargreeves, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Underage Substance Use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-18 10:39:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18119150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Klaus had never meant to take things so far. He was scared and naive and wouldn't the voices please, please go away? It started with the drinking.An exploration of Klaus' descent into substance abuse, and the light at the end of the tunnel so many years later.





	1. i.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first UA fic, so here we go! This is only the first part of the first section, but you can expect more soon. As an aside, I am in no way trying to glorify substance abuse, ESPECIALLY in children and teens. As a person raised by addicts, I found myself drawn to and sympathizing with Klaus, and I wanted to explore how he got the way he is in the beginning of the series. Please let me know if there's a warning tag you think I should add!   
> Edit: title comes from the song 'roaring 20s' by panic! at the disco which is a big Klaus Mood

It had started with the drinking. Despite their rigid schedules and Reginald's army of well-placed security cameras, the siblings were occasionally gifted with a lack of direct supervision. Their father would often disappear for days on "business" trips and leave Pogo the daunting task of controlling seven young children at all times. It didn't quite work in the way he had intended.

Each of them had their own preferred way of spending the precious free time. Luther and Allison liked to stow away and whisper to each other for hours. Mom suddenly developed a second shadow as she cooked, Diego peering under her arm. She let him lick the spoon clean if he'd excelled in training that day, her eyes crinkling as he grinned around the batter covered utensil. 

Vanya, ever determined to excel, often continued practicing her violin during her free time. More than once though, she had been spotted donning a paper domino mask while punching and kicking the air in front of her mirror. Nobody dared to bring it up.

Five was a full on mystery at all times, and was rarely seen in the house during unsupervised periods, except to occasionally organize a seven person outing to Griddy's. 

Most of Ben and Klaus' free time was spent together in Ben's room. Klaus' was a disaster at best, but Ben took pride in keeping a neat room. He loved the warm, approving smile Mom would give him when she walked by and saw him carefully folding clothes or dusting his bookcase.

The minimal layout of his room was prime real estate for Klaus, who had always been as lanky as he was dramatic. He loved laying back and spreading his limbs wide on the cream colored carpet and babbling about anything for hours. Often, Ben would join in and they'd theorize about the few television shows they were allowed to watch, or what they'd learned that week at "school". Other times he would just read a new book on his bed while Klaus continued on. Klaus never minded it; sometimes he just needed somebody to talk at, so it didn't bubble up inside. 

This was how the majority of their free time went until a few weeks after their thirteenth birthday. Reginald had finally tamped down his nausea at Ben's otherworldly powers and dove straight into a new training regimen with renewed intensity. Klaus worried about the effects it would have on his sensitive and eager to please brother as he rested alone on Ben's floor. A different type of worry formed as the light from the window grew soft, dulled, and then disappeared altogether. Whispers sounded out in his ears and his eyes slid firmly shut. _Go away._

__

__

He shook his head and sat up. Days before he'd wandered the halls in a quest to find another sibling to talk at, but no dice. Allison and Luther wanted privacy, Five was nowhere to be found, and Diego became defensive when Mom's attention was split between the two of them. Vanya had patted her bed quietly when Klaus' head appeared in her doorway. He liked listening to her play, and if he closed his eyes the music would push the flickers and whispers deep, deep down. For a few minutes, at least. 

Today he needed something more concrete and powerful. Something to dull the pull on his brain, the itch of his skin that begged him to make it all go away. He wandered into the empty living room and over to the bar. Bottles of different shapes, sizes, and colors were neatly arranged behind the ornate wooden structure. Klaus knew what alcohol was, of course, but had never seen a person drunk before. Dad must drink, he assumed, because he bothered to keep the bar stocked, but he had never seen him take so much as a sip at dinner. 

Klaus picked up a tall, thin bottle with clear liquid inside and considered it. On what he'd seen of television, people who drank became loose, pliant and carefree. They didn't know what was happening around them, wore lazy grins, and talked about "forgetting it all". Alright. His interest was piqued. 

He removed the top from the bottle and took a deep sniff. The scent pulled a shudder from his body, and he put the bottle away. Next he grabbed a stout, thick bottle filled with golden liquid. It smelled strong too, but there was a sweetness to it that the clear stuff didn't have. He pulled a small glass from the counter and poured the liquid in. 

Klaus' eyes flickered to a camera. There was no way that Dad could watch all of the footage in the house, right? He sighed and drank the glass' contents. The spirit burned on its way down and everything in his body screamed at him to get it out of him. He spit what remained in his mouth on the carpet and gagged. Klaus pulled at his tongue in an attempt to remove the taste from his mouth. 

"How the fuck do people drink this evil sludge," he wondered to himself. The burning in his mouth and throat subsided after a moment, but he felt nothing. He had spit out more than he thought. Klaus sighed. Maybe this wasn't a good idea after all.

A delicate bottle filled with a deep, rich colored liquid caught his eye and he pulled it from the shelf and admired the design cut from the glass. He grabbed a larger glass and poured it half way full of this new, sweet and fruity smelling drink.

"Here goes nothing," he remarked with a laugh and took a deep pull from the glass. This time he didn't spit it out. It was...tolerable, he thought to himself. Not as bad as the first drink, but not necessarily pleasant either. It almost reminded him of the grape juice that Mom made for them. He finished the half glass in a few minutes, and poured himself a new full glass. Klaus noticed that the bottle was significantly emptier than when he'd found it, so he put it back on the shelf. 

He wandered to the couch and sipped at this second glass while peering around. Nobody was around, so he sat back and drank it at a leisurely pace. Half way through he felt a wave wash over his brain and looked at the room with fresh eyes. His gaze wandered lazily and the room seemed to follow it every so slightly. He kept drinking and felt a warmth spread from his stomach like vines, reaching his fingers and toes. The whispers that had been threatening to spill over in his mind quieted. The figures that had begun to appear in the corners of the room dissolved. Klaus felt the room spin around him as he took his last sip. 

He dropped his head back against the couch and closed his eyes. Things were fuzzy and he felt as if he was back on the Ferris wheel at the carnival they'd snuck out to three summers before. Exhaustion tugged at him, and he felt strangely comfortable on the ornate couch. 

"So this is why," he thought as his muscles relaxed and he dozed off.


	2. ii.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five always saw right through Klaus' bullshit. Asshole.

Klaus opened his eyes and peered up at the ceiling. He furrowed his brow. Where were his posters?  
"Am I in the living room?" That was unlike him. Generally, he slept in three spots: his room, Ben's room, and very rarely Diego's. Even that was only when Ben was away training, and Klaus couldn't stand to be alone with the ghosts. He sat up and saw the empty glass laying on the carpet.  
"Thank Christ it was empty," he remarked as he grabbed it. "Dear Daddy would have had my hide if I'd stained the precious carpet." He made his way to the kitchen as quietly as possible. Looking in, he saw the coast was clear and he padded over to the sink to rinse the glass.  
"Starting kind of young, don't you think, Four?" Klaus whipped around and fell with his back against the sink. His hand came up to clutch his chest.  
"For fuck's sake, dude! You almost made me shit my pants!" Five stood up from his perch on the table and eyed him carefully.  
"Now that would have been funny. But this," he gestured at the glass. "This isn't." Klaus turned his back to him and rinsed the residue from the glass. He fidgeted.  
"I really don't know what you're talking about," Klaus said melodically. Out of all the times he craved his siblings' attention, this was not one of them. "I was drinking Mom's grape juice."  
"Out of a wine glass?" Klaus glanced down at the thin stemmed glass that ballooned out at its base. He had grabbed it because it looked elegant, and he liked taking nice, fancy things. A pair of Mom's earrings were hidden inside a book in his room, but only Mom knew about that. He wondered if the sweet, dark liquid was in fact wine.  
"Klaus, are you even listening to me?" He turned back to face his brother. Klaus hadn't even meant to ignore him, but his brain didn't always cooperate.  
"Duh," he said as he walked out of the kitchen.  
"Don't walk away from me," Five said as he appeared in front of Klaus and caught the wine glass when it slipped from his brother's hand.  
"Well _you_ stop scaring the shit out of me!" Klaus tried to walk around him but a hand to his chest forced him to still. Five narrowed his eyes and looked from feature to feature on his brother's face. He was looking for an answer. Klaus let a goofy grin spread on his face.  
"Well, I'll be taking that and going," he said as he grabbed the glass and walked off. He startled when Five popped into existence next to him.  
"Look, I am aware that we are not the closest siblings," he started. Klaus gave him a perplexed look.  
"Oh? You don't say," he said in an airy voice. Five rolled his eyes as they arrived in the living room. It was empty.  
"Nonetheless, I can't let you pretend this didn't happen." Klaus put the glass away. He stood with his back turned to Five. It was the first time they'd spoken in days. Reginald had begun to favor one on one training, and the children were left feeling more isolated than ever.  
Five had never seemed overly concerned with his well being before. Klaus felt a nervous tremor run through him. His brother was astute and to the point. Harder to trick.  
"It was a one time thing," he said. Klaus turned to look at him and forced his lips to pull back.  
"I watched a movie with Diego, it showed some kids drinking, and I thought it would be fun to try it," he said. Five shifted his posture and stuck a hand into his pocket. He studied Klaus' face again.  
"It was gross," he continued. "It tasted sour and I hate sour! Like pickles." He contorted his face in disgust. Five didn't laugh.  
"Anyway, fun has been had, childhood experimenting and what not," he said and gestured wildly with his hands. Klaus saluted his brother, turned on his heel, and walked towards the exit. His heart hammered in his chest. The whispers were back and they'd begun to crescendo. Their cacophony drew a cold sweat from his body.  
"I said, you wouldn't lie to me, would you, Four?" Five was in front of him again. Little shit never knew when to stop. Klaus ran a hand down his face. He was tired.  
"Didn't hear you the first time," he muttered and continued walking.  
"Answer my question," came the curt reply. He sighed.  
"Wouldn't dream of it!"  
That night he perfected his routine. He'd wait until the dead of night, equipped with an empty water bottle and a flashlight. Klaus poured a sip, maybe two, from different bottles until he had enough to fill his. He would sneak back upstairs to his room and gulp the putrid liquid down. Disgusting.The combination of liquors had him gagging, but after a few sips he found it burned less and less.  
His vision spun, his tongue weighed down and heavy in his mouth, and a thick fog settled in his brain. The ghost's howling grew quieter and quieter until all he could hear was Luther's snoring down the hall. He giggled at that. Klaus put on his headphones and drifted into a fatigued slumber.  
Nausea plucked him from his restless dreams. He threw himself across the room and puked into his trash bin. It burned. Sweat poured down his brow and he shuddered as his stomach churned. His head rung like a bell.  
Klaus moaned and held his head in his hands. There was a knock on his door.  
"Klaus, honey?" Grace's dulcet tones, usually so comforting, evoked a whimper from him. His head was fucking _killing_ him.  
"Breakfast is in fifteen minutes," she said. "Oatmeal and fresh fruit!" Klaus felt his stomach flip. That was was they ate every morning. He was so, so tired of the bland food, the silent misery of their meals, and the droning of the terrible tapes Reginald would play.  
"Don't be late, sweetie," she said. The click-clack of her footsteps faded away. He smelled the vomit in the barrel and it made his throat close up. Klaus shut his eyes. The coming meal loomed like a storm on the horizon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of the chapters in this story will focus on Klaus' relationship with a specific sibling, but later on we'll see them all interact! Hope you all enjoy this chapter, I'll work on getting the next one out in a few days!

**Author's Note:**

> Next section will pick up at a similar place in the timeline, you can expect that in the next few days!


End file.
